Even my sim is reading.

I have a stack of entries of a religious / spiritual nature lying on my draft list. I think they can stay there, at least for the time being. And the time being is always all we have, so no promises.

After I joined Goodreads (a social network for book lovers, I guess) I have shifted to input mode, it feels. Although I have also been writing reviews (and that takes a lot of time, surprisingly) I have also been reading more than before. I used to read on the commute, but these days I am even reading at home! Imagine that. Actually the reading I do at home is rereading, either before or after reviewing a book. But the effect is the same. I am reading instead of writing.

But it is not just a matter of time, as “I spend so much time reading, I don’t have time to write.” That is not literally true. I had enough time to write if I really wanted to.  But I am kind of stuck in this input mode. It does not feel natural to suddenly shift to writing.

That is strange, because usually the easiest way for me to start writing was to read a short passage of a spiritual book of high level but below actual Holy Scripture. I would then automatically begin to expand the message as it came alive inside me, and easily have a full entry based on a paragraph or two. After all, their light is more concentrated than mine, as I have mentioned before.

But now that does not feel right, right now. Perhaps it is just that I am stuck in input mode. Or perhaps it is a dawning realization that I am not worthy. I mean, I already know that. I try to not pass myself off as a spiritual teacher, but rather a kind of tourist reporting the sights and sounds of this exciting world of the higher reality. But even so, I am kind of feeling the weight of my inferiority when I compare myself to a true saint like St Teresa or John of the Cross. They really are that high, high above me.

Of course, I already feel pretty remote from most of mankind for the opposite reason, if only in the matter of theoretical understanding. I have seen so much, and yet done so little. And so I feel the need for input more than for output, right now. Usually this doesn’t last, though. Perhaps it should, but usually it doesn’t.