“You’ll understand the dazzling world of grownups one day, too.” Let’s hope so.
In reading St Teresa’s  book The Interior Castle, I came to the chapter introducing the Fifth Mansions. After reading a bit of that, I decided to stop. This is beyond me. I feel like a peeping tom looking in at other people’s love life, in this case their love life with God. For now, I think it will do me little good, because I don’t have the experience to relate to it. This is the life of true saints, and I am not one of those.  I am more like a tourist, hoping to become an immigrant, into the spiritual realms. I am not worthy to look at such a thing as the soul’s union with God, much less write about it.
I am quite familiar with the phrase “pearls before swine”. It is a wonderful ‘get out of debate free’ card for us Christians, letting us get the last word and insult others in a most pious manner. Â But now I have become the swine. Â Or the dog, in the same verse by Jesus, the dog to which one should not give the holy. This is a level of holiness to which I am like a dog. So I slink away – at least for the time being.
Oh, and on my mobile phone Kindle, that’s two dots out of six. (Meaning I got through a third of the book.) That’s pretty humiliating. But probably also pretty accurate, or even generous.
I should stick to things that are relevant for where I am, I think. Â Then perhaps later, if there is a later, I may begin to understand the dazzling world of true saints.
Huh . . . I will have to look at that. I do get creeped out pretty easily if I feel voyeuristic, so . . . I don’t know how it will go, but . . . I have liked everything I’ve read ABOUT Teresa, so . . .
I take it it isn’t so much a “How To . . . ” writing as you expected? You seem to digest those well, then explain them in layman’s terms for our benefit. It seems odd that you reacted this way. That makes me even more curious.
On the “grown-up world”, though . . . we are back to school tomorrow. Pray for us all. I’ve had stressful dreams for the last few nights (and days, since I’ve been sleeping better during the day than the nights lately) about it.
*sigh*
I don’t quite know why I feel this way in this particular case. I am fairly well versed in the theory of stages of prayer and similar topics, from my time in the Christian Church. But at that time, it was theory for me, and also I did not realize how far I was from the saintly life. That is something that the intervening years have served to make clear. Now, perhaps because St Teresa’s words about the early Christian life resonated so strongly in my heart, I feel suddenly shy. I feel like if I come back later – provided there is a later and I use it – it will be just as wonderful to me as the beginning was.
Uhm, that sounded like I aspire to become a saint. I am not sure about that. I mean, how many saints really think they are saints? On the other hand, who would in good conscience refuse to aspire to a life of selfless love?