I had finished a fairly long entry concluding in my dedication to living a life worthy of someone whose home is in the Realm of Light, the “sixth dimension” as Happy Science names it. Before posting it, I ate my dinner and looked through my picture collection for a suitable picture.

Then suddenly I noticed that it hurt to swallow.  I have felt this a few times over the past week, always on the right side.  But this time it quickly moved to both sides and got worse, amazingly fast, in a matter of perhaps a minute.  I was shocked. While I am generally not looking for signs in the things that happen me – Moses specifically warns against letting such outside events rule our lives rather than the word of God through his prophets – it was hard not to draw a connection between the sudden onset of the illness and the impending upload of my completed entry. I decided to make it private, for now at least.  If I survive, I will seek God’s will in this regard.

It has been over 4 hours so it was not immediately fatal, but I am hardly getting better either.

It does not feel like an ordinary sore throat. Apart from the sudden onset, it just feels not so much sore, more like something presses or stretches on my throat. I feel like I have tender pouches (lymph nodes?) under my jaw on both sides, especially the right, but there is no visible swelling so this may be misleading.  When I swallow, there is a fairly strong pain that radiates from the “Adam’s apple” (vocal cords) to the right side almost under the ear.  My neck is stiff, but this may be a reaction to the pain rather than the other way around.

There is an irony in this, as I was thinking not much earlier (though not writing it) that it seems people with a heavenly calling tend to live longer than most. Perhaps, I thought, it was partly because they avoided the excesses of the flesh, but partly also because a sense of meaning in life made the body do its best, knowing that it was in use.  Well, well.   I am not dead yet, but my body is hardly doing its best.

It was so sudden that I considered going to the nearest emergency room (probably in Mandal now). But then I remembered that every time I have done so before, it has turned out to be nothing worthy of the name “emergency”, which is more about torn limbs and burst appendices. Unfortunately, torn limbs are all too common during the Scandinavian weekend, as Friday and Saturday are binge drinking day, and there is still a good deal of alcohol in people’s bloodstream on Sunday.  Not in mine though.

Confusingly, I have no fever worth the name.  My temperature is about 37.5 degrees Celsius (99.5 Fahrenheit) which is slightly above normal for me, but not a true fever as you would expect if the body really was fighting hordes of deadly bacteria. It may come simply from worrying, which I do.  I don’t want to die before I wake, because I am not that solid in my faith.  I fear that if I must leave the body now, I may be drawn to Hell despite my best intentions, much like in this life the sight of a sexy woman causes all my pious thoughts to evaporate instantly and draws my eyes and feet in her direction, even though I know that I could not actually do anything with her even if she asked me to.  My mind is still drawn out of its course, and if my mind does not have a body to hide in, Light knows where it may drift off. Or if someone threatens me, my compassion goes POOF and my mind instantly looks for the best ways to maim or kill the other person before he can do it to me.   Not much “Father forgive them” there, nope.  I need a lot more spiritual practice.

So, yes, worrying.