Friday 12 August 2005

Pic of the day: Have you ever had the feeling that you are alone in a deserted place? This character from Daimekko Doubutsu has, and so have I. Furthermore, it is true.

Is it really alright?

When I wake up in the morning, I am happy to be alive for a new day. I feel sleepy, but it fades reasonably fast, and soon my mind is full of ideas. I feel strong, competent and confident. This is when I hatch most gray entries, early in the day, although I may not complete them until later. (There is the small matter of a job, for us who are too old to leech on our parents.)

But when the evening comes, my morning personality starts to fade. And in the dark of the night, I become a small frightened porcupine, alone in a desolate world. It is only God and I and the dark. And then I wonder: Is it really alright? Am I really allowed to write the things I do? Shouldn't I stick to small things that are fitting for a small, scared porcupine?

But then who would say all the words that should be spoken, to make random passers-by stop and think, stop and look at things from a new angle? I want people to ask questions, even if they end up with the same answers they already had. That's the one thing I do better than most people. I am sane enough that not everyone will just write me off, but weird enough that I don't just nod my head to whatever the rich people tell us to believe.

I just hope you understand that I'm not some guru. Actually you probably realize that when you suddenly find a long entry about my Sims, or about the latest anime or an indecent dream. I don't want people to think too highly of me. Just enough that they start to wonder if I might be seeing something they don't. Which I probably do sometimes, at least in the morning when the light is strong. But mostly I want to give your thoughts wings. That, and sometimes I just want to let you know me, if you wish.