Sunday 17 August 2003

Pic of the day: Innocence, like a good wine, improves as it is preserved through the years. Innocence is not the absence of knowledge, but of despair; and its shield is bright and blazing hope. (Screenshot from Gaia Online and the anime Popotan, combined.)

Sense and innocence

innocence, like a good wine, improves as it is preserved through the years. The thought came to me as I was composing a signature for my Gaia Online character, who has a distinctly innocent look, don't you think?

My original idea was somewhat more personal. I am this innocent in real life, just much, much older. But thinking it over, I was not so sure it was true. It did not quite feel true, whether or not it is. And it could well be argued that in a sense, I am more innocent now than I was at the onset of puberty.

***

There are many kinds of innocence, right? One that seems to get more than its part of attention for some reason is in regard to sexuality. I also believe, quite strongly, that children should not be induced to sexual activity, neither on a personal basis by an adult nor by society through advertising, entertainment or journalism that glorify "sexiness" at an early age.

That is not to say that children, left to themselves, are so "innocent" in such matter. Oh, they are innocent, but that's because they don't really know what they are doing. It certainly should not be taken to imply that they are not having great fun with their genitals, for instance, and sometimes each other's genitals or other interesting body parts which are not normally handled in public. I am sure this varies from child to child, but many are quite eager explorers. I was hardly outstanding in this area, but I have quite a number of memories from my childhood forays into the realm of eroticism. Luckily not assisted by adults, as far as I can remember.

If sexuality was the worst part of being human, this world would be more of a paradise than it is. There is anger, envy, resentment and greed. A child's world is full of conflict, often violent conflict. And like heads of state, the hotheads in the sandbox are insufferably self- righteous, devoid of any doubt that they and only they are right. "It all started because he hit back!" I remember my own bitterness against my older brother (not quite without provocation, I dare say) and how holy I felt in comparison. I also hated the bullies at school, and I guess they were not too fond of me either. I would hardly have lost my sleep, much less my lunch, if I had had the good fortune to be able to kill them off discreetly. Like pushing them off a really high cliff while no one was watching. Common sense, however, forbade me to spend time with them on top of high cliffs, although there were plenty of these near our village.

Compared to the rage that kept building up inside me during those years, I guess I am pretty innocent today. Not that this says the world, I admit, but still.

But can innocence really increase? Or can it only decrease? It seems to me that it can at least be preserved. But the innocence you have after you understand is different from the innocence you had before. In one way, it is better, because it is stronger. In another way, it is not quite as bright. They say that if you brawl with a chimney sweep, you get black even if you win. (Of course, you would probably be even blacker if you made love not war ... but that's beside the point this time, isn't it?)

***

But is loss of innocence unstoppable, even if your moral integrity actually improves over time? I want to think not. If nothing else, my religion depends on the possibility that a man can stay innocent in all ways for 33 years or so. Now you may argue that this was not a normal man, but even so. Innocence is innocence. So I took a look at some main differences between him and me. In some ways, he was every bit as aware of human fallibility as I, despite not falling himself. In fact, it is so much easier to see it where you remain standing, which is a temptation in itself. Something about cynicism, I thought. I started to write it down. But it turned out slightly different.

Innocence is not the absence of knowledge, but of despair. If you see some of Jesus' comments, you might call him cynical. He did not have any illusions about his disciples and their willingness to endure with him when worst came to worst, for instance. But even so, he did not shrink back. I know some of you don't believe in any of that, but never mind that. I use it to illustrate the difference between innocence and ignorance. Jesus as described in the New Testament did not walk to his death in ignorance, far from it. He knew what was coming, and he did not like it a bit. But he did not despair in the end. In the end, he is said to have performed a leap of faith that seems almost like madness: To give up his spirit to the God who he just had accused of forsaking him. I hope I won't need to go that far.

And so finally my signature was assembled. Innocence, like a good wine, improves as it is preserved through the years. Innocence is not the absence of knowledge, but of despair; and its shield is bright and blazing hope.