Thursday 19 April 2001

Pic of the day: Another archive picture from my trip to the farm where I grew up. I have no count of the hours I spent playing right here by that river, when I was a child and time seemed endless, when everything was still possible. When I was still small and stupid...

Wanting the impossible

Today I stopped by the used books & comics store, and the radio played a song that I had heard before. It was in Norwegian, and it ran like this: "Vi vil leve lenge vi, men gamle vil vi aldri bli" - that means: We want to live long, but we never want to grow old. Now isn't that a truth. (And a catchy tune it was, too.)

The song went on to mock cosmetic surgery, but my thoughts were on how this attitude pervades our lives in so many other aspects too. We want to eat a lot but we don't want to grow fat. We want to be famous but we don't want to be stalked. We want to be powerful but we don't want to be hated. We want the impossible - we want in effect to have sun without shadow, morning without night.

***

To some degree, the impossible has indeed become possible. Life expectancy has gone way up during the past century. People today are overall healthier, smarter, and richer than at any time before. And for a while, also happier. But of late, happiness has not soared along with the other qualities. Perhaps we have reached our natural limit for happiness. Many try to go further through pleasure drugs that make them joyful for a while. But this tends to backfire, as the brain simply cannot maintain that kind of high.

We also seek to pursue happiness in other stupid ways. Because we really want it to be possible, we may jump onto miracle cures that will keep us young, or fit, or virile (for those that may apply to). Anything from pills to lucky charms sell briskly, even though the sellers lack any credential to be taken seriously. On the vanity fair you can buy miracle cures to be young, healthy, attractive, even spiritual; all at an affordable price. Newer! Faster! Cheaper!

Life expectancy has gone up, but more and more of us spend old age not only infirm but also insane, robbed of our memories and the qualities that made us a human among humans. And before that, we hurry through life, working hard to buy all those time saving devices so we can have more time together with our children who spend long days in kindergarten and with our parents who sit alone at the old folks' home and our most loved one who we barely even see because we have to hurry and get it all done before it is too late. With some good luck we may arrive in time for our own funeral.

***

My friends know where I stand on these things. I am quite an outsider, and isn't that a luxury? I do not feel the need to keep up with the neighbors. Then again, I don't fit in too well with the neighbors. Also, I don't have a wife to nag me about working harder (or at least smarter) and climbing the career ladder for money and for fame. Then again, I don't have a wife at all. And so on. Would I be able to be so different, if I wasn't already so different? I doubt it.

I can write ironically about all the stupid things "we" do, since I don't do them. But is that for any reason at all, except that I do not have the opportunity? Yes, but barely so. I have taken a different path that was not so steep. But had I taken the steep path, I would no doubt have slid exactly where others have slid, in the slippery places. Dare I remind myself of how many more clothes I have than I need to, just because I like nice clothes? I am so ashamed because I bought a pair of trousers this week. It would probably not take a lot of immersion in society for me to forget who I am and become another consumer, working hard to get all the things I don't need. (As opposed to chocolate and computers, of course.)

But luckily for me and you, here I am. Seeing the tapestry of life from the other side. Still seeing the irony, after all those years. I guess I would have preferred to have lots of material possessions and still not be attached to them. Oh yes. Just like I would prefer to live a long long life but never grow old. Light without shadow, morning without night.

***

On a rather unrelated note: Tomorrow I'll try to make the trip to visit SuperWoman for the weekend. Updating may be delayed, and probably e-mail too.