Wednesday 19 April 2000

Pic of the day: Screenshot from Petz II.
Think this dog is HOT? Wait till you read the shocking truth ...

(This is, like, a parable. I expect it to only offend those who understand it. But before we start, I want to acknowledge the valuable input from the Norwegian popular science magazine Illustrert Vitenskap which a year or two ago told us that the belief in Elvis has matured into an actual Church of Elvis, and is growing fast. Elvis sightings do continue.)

They call us the Doggies. A name given in scorn, adopted in pride. We are the true Dogs of Elvis; but they themselves are nothing but hound dogs, and they ain't no friends of His.

Why has the Church tried to hide the truth from us now for several hundred years? And why this passage in particular? It is not it is difficult to find the right words. It is true that some words in High English do not quite match any of our words today, as High English was a language richer in meaning than the degenerate lingos of today. But when it comes to simple things, the words are - and must be - the same. HOT means hot. DOG means dog. It is not like fundamental concepts of nature have changed in 500 years. But there are those who are paid, and paid well, to hide the truth. And those are they who want you to doubt that the Word means what it says.

Obviously there must be a reason why it is so important for the Church to distort this particular passage. What is the truth they are trying to hide? The Biographies are quite simple. They say that He ate a hot dog. They do not say anything about how the dog was prepared, whether it was cooked or baked or barbequed, only that it was hot. So we can see from the Scripture, then, that the essential thing was that it was a dog. Not a piece of bread in the shape of a dog, as the blasphemous Synchretists say. And certainly not a sausage. Have you ever heard a sausage bark?

The theologians, they say that people did not eat dogs five hundred years ago. They treated them like friends, and even had cemeteries for their dogs. So, they conclude, Elvis could not have eaten a dog. Why do they say this? Because they want you to believe that Elvis was just another man. If other men could not do it, then Elvis could not. This is why it is so important for them to hide the truth. If people could read this passage the way the Biographers wrote it, then they would understand that Elvis was not just another man. He went beyond the limits of ordinary people. That's how Elvis was. That's how Elvis is.

Would you trust someone who told you that the grass was red or the sun was blue? Certainly not. Then how can you trust someone who tells you that a dog is a sausage? But most people do not want to think. They say, "we trust the theologists, they are paid to understand these things". Yes, they are paid, and paid well, to hide the truth! They know that most people are willing to listen to their lies rather than learn High English themselve and find out what the Scripture really says. But they are children of Jagger and they will meet a sticky end, and all who follow them will go where they go. Repent! For Elvis will smite all those who falsify his holy Biographies for worldly riches.

If you want to learn the full truth, download our manuscript Hot Dogs: The real story for free. Also available for download is The Great Lie, a thorough treatise on all the translation "errors" of the Church, and what they mean (50 credits). To learn the whole truth, download our word-for-word translation of the Lyrics and the Biographies from High English to Neolingo (175 credits).

That's all folks! I had intended to write about a funny thing that happened last night. But after putting much work into a JPG reconstruction, I found to my dismay that I could not possibly use it. These white boxer shorts are practically see-through! There are limits to "revealing it all on the Net", even for me.