Coded green.

Wednesday 20 September 2000

Screenshots

Pic of the day: Lyzz and Max are two of my roomies from Daggerfall. Don't worry about my sanity - at least not more than usual. I just ...

Retreat and regroup

Stayed mostly indoors today, except for one walk in the afternoon. I try to keep somewhat in motion. Got a head cold last evening. That would be typical! Sometimes I think that if I feel energetic, it is because my body is mobilizing towards some virus infection. There seems to be a pretty close connection. Dancing around one day, sick the other. Actually, apart from a running nose, it's not all that bad. In fact, it suits my mood! :)

So I play Daggerfall again, and make up possible and impossible plot lines for my fan fiction "College Roomies From Daggerfall". (Uhm, that's a working title sort of. Actually Daggerfall does not have colleges as such; it is more medieval and people study in the various guilds.)

***

I do this now and again, retreat into Daggerfall or some other fictional world if I don't particularly like how things are going out there in the real world. And right now I'm a bit tired of reality. Tired of clumsy over-eager politicians and of wild strikes and blockades by people who don't see further than their own pocket. Tired of mad scientists who want to make black holes and cool new bacteria. And of course tired of a workplace that we would all be better off without, if only a few laws could be changed to allow a more practical solution.

Things are simpler in Daggerfall.

***

First, when there's nothing
but a slow glowing dream
That your fear seems to hide
deep inside your mind
All alone I have cried
silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel,
made of stone

What a feeling, Lyrics by: Irene Cara and Keith Forsey.

I'd not normally be caught alive quoting from Flashdance (in fact, I haven't even seen the movie, or was it a musical?) but I just want to believe that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. That sometimes I have to retreat and regroup. Sometimes I have to become very small and all alone. Because that's not where it ends. That's where it begins.

An existence of only one dimension
But in the dark silence
and in the void of all sensation
something began to know
that there were no bounds
there were no bounds
there were no bounds

No bounds, by G.O.L.

The problem is to lay off enough. To get naked enough. And it takes time. Time not spent in Daggerfall or other entertainment ... that's just the quick fix. Not a bad word about that. But sooner or later the only way is back for repairs and replacement.

Sometimes I wonder if others walk this road too. I mean, reasonably sane people. I'm sure quite a number of psychiatric patients have been through this, but it does not seem to help them the way it helps me. Whatever it is, I am at a loss for the right words to explain it. It all happens inside, in what is probably the subconscious in most people.

I think that some people seek within another's heart and some seek within their own heart, for the same thing. And I think both may find it. We're just not all made alike. Some have the eyes of the mind turned outward, others inward. And to walk the path that was made for another can only bring confusion and darkness. We all have our own life to live ... such as it is. :)


Yesterday <-- This month --> Tomorrow?
One year ago

Visit the Diary Farm for the older diaries I've put out to pasture.


I welcome e-mail: itlandm@netcom.no
Back to my home page.