Coded green.

Thursday 6 March 2003

Picture from anime Kanon

Pic of the day: Picture from anime Kanon. Guess who has feelings for whom ... (Nayuki is on the left, Yuuichi on the right.)

Unrequited love (again)

No more waiting, no more aching
No more fighting, no more trying...

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly...

(The Corrs: What can I do)

***

These last few days I have watched an anime called Kanon. (I am not sure why it's called that.) It is about a young boy (high school age) who comes to a snowy town to live with his aunt and cousin for at least a year while his parents are in Africa. When he was a boy, he used to come here every vacation, and he and the girl in the house became the best of friends. But now, when he returns after seven years, he finds that almost all of his memories from the town are gone. He remembers the names of the family members, but not much more.

Others remember him, though. Soon he is approached by a number of young girls, all of which are unusual in one way or another. In fact, some of them may not even be entirely human. The most normal is probably his cousin, and she gives everyone the impression that the two of them are deeply in love. She probably is too, although he doesn't know it. And even when he finally realizes it, there is not a whole lot he can do about it.

I'm not going to give away the story, except I feel I have to warn you that the ending made no sense to me. I did not like the ending either, but in addition to this it seems to negate much of what happened before. I guess part of it is that the story is basically realistic. There are no UFOs, no superpowers, no obvious magic (though there is some implied magic and miracles). It seems like something that could happen, at least if you interpreted things differently than the main characters in a couple places. And then suddenly you find out that one of the characters has been two places at the same time for most of the series. That is not satisfying to me. And besides, I think Yuuichi (the young boy) should have somehow acknowledged his cousin's feelings, even if he did not reciprocate them. Then again, did I ever do that? Acknowledge people's feelings?

***

This seems like a good time to play Love to love you by The Corrs. Yes, I have mentioned it once or twice before. I bought this CD (Forgiven, Not Forgotten) after I heard this track on the bus, and it is basically the only track there I play. I think I may have played the CD through, though I cannot remember for sure. This Irish group has several other hits, and my best friend has at least one of their records (probably more) ... I remember she used to play one track that goes like this: "What can I do to make you love me? What can I do to make you care?". (What can I do, from the album Talk on Corners.) She used to play it over and over at least one of the times I visited her. (April 1999.) Later too, unless I misremember. Oh, the irony ...

Unrequited love is something you just hear in passing, or it just is there, a necessary part of the tragedy but not really something you can do anything about. (Well, except requit it, presumably, but that isn't even a word according to my spelling checker.) So imagine my interest when the aunt in this anime actually says something constructive about it. As Yuuichi is about to leave after a year, his aunt tells him: "Love exists to foster people. Even if that love is unrequited, those feelings are nourishments for living." Her statement made a strong impression on him, and it did on me too.

In the anime, the girl overcame her obsession with her cousin, sort of. I guess this is what usually happens. There are always a few souls who just can't take it, and lose their mind, or even their life. Some are scarred for life, I guess. Perhaps they rip out their ability to love, completely, forever. But I think most people get over it, perhaps slightly reduced, and then eventually they find someone else to love.

***

Today, I won't go back and obsess over how much I like my best friend. Well, not much ... Yes, I think it can reasonably be called love, because I consider her as important as myself, and it is just as easy for me to buy something for her as for myself, or do something for her as for myself, if not more so. That's a kind of love, I would say, even if there is no actual lovemaking involved. There isn't always, you know. Some of us are like that, we don't get physical until very late in the story. With others that's where it starts. People are different.

But anyway, I guess that's a very cousin-like love, and I guess the unrequited type is more desperate usually. But even so, love exists to foster the soul. Love may be good for the person you love, hopefully. But anyway, it is good for you, if you understand it. To understand emotion is not easy. We tend to understand logic (if at all) and experience emotion. To understand emotion, that is for the wise. And then we realize that our feelings are not generated by the other; the other helps them to come forward, but they come really from ourselves. And no matter what our feelings may do to others, they always do something to us.

And love exists to foster the soul. Love is good for you. You can live without being loved actually I prefer that but it is harder to live without loving. Still, I guess I have to get used to it now. The inner leavetaking is almost complete. Thank you for letting me love you like a cousin. Much appreciated. It was ... nourishment for living.


Yesterday <-- This month --> Tomorrow?
One year ago: Giver's joy
Two years ago: Good old ... games?
Three years ago: Simulated love
Four years ago: Saturday stuff

Visit the Diary Farm for the older diaries I've put out to pasture.


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