Sunday 23 December 2001

Pic of the day: Commercial Christmas: Electric fiber-optic Christmas tree. (I didn't buy this, but I just might, if I were sure nobody saw it.)

Here we go again

For some reason, the Norwegian people have relented on their harsh opposition against Sunday shopping. Originally it was considered sinful; then it was considered exploitation of the laborers. Now it is allowed in December only. The poor laborers would have to work that much harder on the weekdays, after all, for people shop like mad for the holiday season. And now I've done it too.

***

We were 4: Me (obviously), SuperWoman (the woman I love and who doesn't love me but thinks I'm OK) and two sisters of hers. Borrowing their father's car, we went off to the other mall in the area. Already the nigh before, SuperWoman had made a detailed list of who was giving gifts to whom. This is not the simplest of tasks, because one person might get a gift from me, another from SuperWoman, and a third from Cutie and Lil. The next person might get one gift from me, SW, and the 3 Small Kids (who are now all grown-ups). The third might get one from me and SW, and one from Cutie and Great Earth Mother, and so on. Each constellation is different, like the factions in some highly advanced strategy game. But by and large I weighed in on other people's gifts, mostly those involving SW. I think I bought like 3 gifts from me only, and one of those was a gift SW should have given but had already bought another before she knew that.

In comparison I had the simplest tasks: Wielding the VISA and Mastercard, and carrying the ever increasing load of luggage. If there ever is made a T-shirt with the text BORN TO HOLD PURSE, I want to buy it.

***

Now to what you've been waiting for: Buying The Present to my beloved. Yes indeed, here we go again (to snag a line from innumerable pathetic love songs - I just noticed this evening that if a song contains that line, it is one of those helpless love songs. Chris de Burgh's High on emotion comes to mind, but I did not bring it with me, so no lyrics quote today. It is bad enough as is).

"So what about a present from me to you?" I asked SW. "Any wishes?" "I would like a wristwatch" she conceded. Today when we neared the end of the list, I gently reminded her that we had not yet looked into that one. "A watch" she reminded me. "Around $500. Just kidding!" (The chorus of faithful readers: "Uh oh. See it coming.") "You are so not kidding" says her little sister. "Am too!" "She liked the one the Great Earth Mother bought" confides her sister. I haven't noticed that one, but it was round and with a kinda silvery chain. "You go somewhere else while the two others help me find a watch for you" I say. (Chorus: And the second mistake is in place.)

So I bravely go where all too many men have gone before, into the combined goldsmith, jeweller and watch shop. There is a reason why they combine these, you know. First we look in the display monters, where we find a watch that seems vaguely similar to the one G.E.M. bought, according to my sources. It is round and kinda silvery, indeed. Armed with this knowledge, we enter the shop itself. Here we stand in line for a while, until a middle aged woman of somewhat higher middle class demeanor takes mercy upon us. Or me, rather, as I front our little group of adventurers.

"Excuse me" I say politely, "I am looking to buy a watch for my girlfriend." (Chorus: His fate is sealed!) (The actual Norwegian word "veninne" means "friendess", female friend, kinda the same kind of word as lioness, duchess etc. The double meaning is less pronounced in Norwegian, unless one wishes to hear it. She certainly did.)

I smoothly follow up by mentioning the watch we have noticed in the display. I point it out to the salesperson. "She wants a round watch?" asks the woman in a neutral tone, and I reply in the affirmative. I bring her younger sister as witness that this is indeed what G.E.M. had bought, and which she had liked. "So I thought we could use this as a starting point" I say politely. It just might be that they don't have all their models on display, after all.

The saleswoman leads us back into the shop, and shows me a couple other watches which are rather ugly, in my humble opinion, and whose main redeeming point is that they seem more expensive. I turn them down without a second thought, and my loyal followers agree with me. As for one of them, it is so clearly a decoration rather than a useful tool. "I want something she can wear every day. And also she is a bit younger than me." "She is 25" chimes in Cutie. "Something a bit more sporty" we converge. I still think the one in the display is the only one that fits the bill. Then the woman hauls out this watch that is just beautiful. Even I can see it, and that takes a bit. I am the guy who goes through his apartment and replaces bulbs with fluorescent lights.

"That one is rectangular" I point out. I thought we had already agreed on round. Suddenly I feel a great disturbance in the Force: The two girls have been won over to the rectangular side. They don't say so outright, but the subtle shift in their stance, the way they shuffle their feet, tells me that I am on my own. "The clock face is rather small" I point out. "She should preferably be able to read it too." "It is sporty" claims the salesperson. The girls make small agreeing sounds. "Yeah, I guess it is pretty" I concede. It costs well in the excess of $400. Not that I can't afford it once a year, or that SW isn't worthy of it, but I am afraid that it will stretch even her receptiveness. I would hate to shame my best friend. That is my sole concern. But I see that my doom is at hand.

"You" I turn on Cutie, "You saw her reaction when she saw GEM's watch. Did she fall in love with it or something?" "Not really. Can't remember in detail." The salesperson gives me the 'if you really loved her you would buy an unnecessarily expensive watch' eyes. (And, well, I really do. I love her like I've never loved anyone before and never knew I could.) I can feel the mixed emotions radiating from her sisters: Envy, and the absolute certainty that I am going to buy the pretty watch. I know it is already over. I buy the pretty watch.

So the saleslady puts the watch on a pillow and locks it all up in a jewelry box type gift package. She hands me a card to fill out with information about the receiver, name and address. I shove it over to Cutie, who fills it in with the address of her parents. That's fine by me. I hope she won't need repairs within the half year she still stays in Sweden.

So now I sit here, dreading the moment when she will open it. I have written on the card:
"To: My beloved
[SuperWoman]
(as usual)
From: Magnus.
But I am not sure how far humor can take you. Tomorrow is my day of judgement. She probably knows something isn't quite right since I sent her away when I bought it. But exactly how high her expectations are, I don't know. This could easily backfire hard enough to destroy our friendship, if she thinks I try to buy her. But having known me since she could just barely look over the edge of the table, I hope she knows me better than that. Tomorrow we shall know, I suppose.